Surprising how many have asked this question considering I don’t use tumblr all that often. My ex and I had been together for an awesome 8 years. At some point in the end of those 8 years we lost something. I’m not sure exactly what it was or when the turning point occurred, but I do know that we both stopped growing as a couple.

Relationships, I’ve learned, need to be fresh. We all need to feel worthy and when you’re in a relationship for so long, you kinda take it for granted. You feel like it’s always gonna be there, you feel comfortable and you feel safe. One can argue those are good emotions to feel - which they are - but we forget a lot when we feel comfortable. When relationships don’t grow, they die.

So what I’ve taken from my relationship with my ex, who is still very much part of my life due to the fact that we did not end in negative terms or wrong doings, is that you need to be cognizant of growth. You need to love each other every day, just like you did the moment you fell in love. You need to remind each other about love, show it, feel it, speak of it and grow it.

Sure, every relationship is different and I’m no guru about the matter. But what I know is from experience - past and present. My current partner and I have a solid foundation of love. Not a day goes by where I remind myself how thankful I am that I found him and I not only think about it, I act on it and that’s where the difference lies between my past relationships.

Live, love and learn right?

Another question asked was “Why did I date someone so soon?”

For starters, we tried many things to rebuild what we had lost but in the end, he respectfully just felt it wasn’t what was right for him at the moment. And I probably will thank him for this later when he finds that right person, because it’s a decision he was strong enough to make while I was not. And it’s a decision that changed my life more than I could have ever imagined.

I had started dating my current partner shortly after, which was completely coincidental. I wasn’t looking but I wasn’t hiding. Society told me, “WTF are you doing?” I told society, “Leaping with my eyes closed.”

We hear too often that life is short and cliche as it may sound, it’s the truth and there’s no getting around that. So why should I act or not act a certain way because it’s what most people think is the right thing to do after a long-term break up? The right thing was to follow my head and trust my heart and the rest will follow.

Did I at one point think this might be a rebound? Of course I thought that might be the case and I selfishly felt that if it were, at least I was getting my mind off things. To my credit, everything was and is always on the table. But the moment I knew, I made it clear. 

Do I have regrets about how my last relationship didn’t pan out the way I always thought it would — you know, the whole living and growing old together? I don’t think regret is the right word… but I do wish I could have been strong enough to love, all day - every day. Because at the end of it all, when we do our best, but still fail - there’s no fault in that. 

I’m so fucking lucky though, to have stumbled upon an amazing guy. Everything just aligned and it’s moments like that where you just gotta grab them and never look back.

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Ever.

So the point of me sharing what happened is to remind you that we all want to feel worthy, I’m pretty sure this was the theme of Oprah’s last show. Men, women, boys, girls, gay, straight, couples, friends, pets, teachers, doctors - whatever. We need love. And it’s in these moments of worthiness where we grow as people and/or as couples.

It’s like watering a plant. Watering is like doing things to make someone feel loved, and the sun which is always there, is the overall love that never goes away. So not only do we need love to survive relationships, but we need water (doing nice things for each other) to make it last. Omg, corny I know but whatever.

Buy your girl flowers after work today. Cook your man a fancy meal (or vice versa). Don’t wanna spend money, run the bath after a long day with some candles. Or even simple shit like getting toothpaste on their tooth brush ready. 

Bring your co-worker coffee. Take a friend out for a hike. Buy your pet some treats. Whatever the case, just be thoughtful more times than not.